It’s sad to see smart lawyers fall for foolish marketing schemes.

And, by foolish I mean schemes like the scheme used by the Gnomes in this episode of South Park.

The Gnome Underpants Scheme

The Gnomes’ business scheme is simple but stupid:

  1. Collect underpants
  2. ???
  3. Reap profit

The Gnomes admit they haven’t figured out step #2, but they don’t think it is important.

Stupid Lawyer Marketing

In the case of stupid lawyer marketing, the scheme looks like this:

  1. Get the attention of a bunch of prospective clients
  2. ???
  3. Answer the phone and sign them up as fast as you can


There are lots of ways to get people’s attention. The stupid marketing gurus focus completely on this part of the scheme.

Some of them proclaim that buying ads from Facebook or Google is the key.

Others tell lawyers they need to “implement aggressive search engine optimization (SEO) strategies to stand out from the pack and convert searchers into new leads.”

Bottom line, none of the gurus talk about Step #2.

The Missing Step #2

After you get a prospect’s attention, wouldn’t it make sense to create some rapport? Maybe build up some trust somehow?

Yeah, that’s kind of obvious if you stop and think about it.

And yet none of these gurus talk about that part. And they hope you won’t stop and think about it.

But maybe you should.

Unless the Gnome Underpants Scheme makes sense to you.